The day when I’m excited and the day when I’m not

The day when I’m excited…

1.      I hurl myself out of the bed  with such intensity which scares the shit out of the rooster, much to its sadness and shame seeing that they didn’t get an opportunity to wake someone up with their annoying early morning crooning.

2.      I would, surprisingly, find a handsome guy break in to my house and call 911 to inform the cops, but right on time I would realize that ‘it was a fucking mirror and I would just retort  to my reflection saying “ You ain’t look so bad buddy” .

3.      Brush my teeth with a passion as if there is no tomorrow, and to top that a 60 second mouth was session though Listerine, coherently to add a minty flavor to my breath [Always ready for a French connection]. *winks*

4.       Polish my body, yup, you got it correct; POLISH my body, while having a shower, with soap in those corners of my body which I never knew they existed.

5.      Body odor. How can I forget that? To keep this evil at bay, no matter what, the deo inside the can will breath its last as I finish off the can in one shot which might eventually instigate the deo producing Co. to present me with ‘The Best Customer Award’ as I will exhaust each can of the deo on daily basis, implying that I’ll buy a new one on the same day.

6.      Spend more than the legal time for the guy to look in to the mirror by gazing at it with a sense of self admiration under the pretence of combing my hair.

And finally, the boy is ready to meet the world.

The day when I’m NOT excited…

1.      Contemplate with the question of ‘should I wake up or go back to sleep?’ And then find my answer in two Golden words “Screw it” allowing myself to show middle finger to the rooster crooning outside and fall back in my bed.

2.      Rise up from the bed probably after realizing that the day has started during lunch time and walk lethargically like a zombie which has been resurrected from the dead.

3.      Brush my teeth at snail’s pace, consisting of brushing a bit here, brushing a bit there , spit and done, as well as unleash the cheap mentality by reminding myself that Listerine is a branded mouth wash, so better use it when I REALLY need it.

4.      I don’t give a damn concerning what soap I’m using while having a shower with ‘don’t give a fuck attitude’ even if that soap has been rubbed in the eeriest and eekiest part of my brother’s body.

5.      Dress up as if I’m getting ready for ‘Lazy Saturday’ theme party even if I ‘m heading for work.

6.      Leave home unshaven which might infuriate my reflection in the mirror to pounce out of it screaming “Get your Lazy ass moving and shave, you asshole”.

Or I might candidly post a blog on a subject that wouldn’t make any sense, and eventually the blog will be labeled as scribble, by some nitpickers of language and literature.

“But who gives a fuck! I’m not excited. Remember?”

And that's a gooooaaaaaoallllll!!!!!!!

Wow! That must be loud. So, when was the last time you heard someone shouting his heart out quoting these words?

Probably from someone who was watching a football match. Right? Well its normal..

But do you know that a 'lay man'  screams using such 'victory cry' only on 2 instances. Either when as usual he watches his favorite football team scoring a goal/winning a match or else when THAT Lay man  has completed a task which required him to get it done from a GOVERNMENT OFFICE.

Yup! Do not rub your eyes. what you read now in the second instance was correct  :-/

Now you would ask who the F#%* will scream saying " gooaaaallll " in a government office. Your question is legitimate. The person himself will not scream but his conscious will out of the relief that he acquires on getting his work done in a government office.

By the ways 90% of those who are reading this blog which I believe are hardly 2 or 3 :-(  must have gone through as what I call 'chasing the officials game' much like chasing the ball in soccer.

So you wouldn't agree less if i tell you that taking a trip to the government office is as equally exhausting as playing a football.

So as i mentioned before to my readers who are hardly 2 or 3, uuhhhh!! let me be li'l more optimistic and make it 3 or 4, :-). so out of these for that 1 person who was lucky enough not to get an opportunity, or shall I say fortunate enough not to be punished to go through the hell called government office, let me bring out some comparisons that could be made between the game of football and the game of being thrashed in government office.

First let us go to the basics, which is the playing area:

#1:
The playing area in football will be around 100-110 m range wide while the government office will be??? ??? I assume he would be a jobless soul who would measure the area covered by a government office so let us chuck this and move on to the next point.

#2:
The Players:

In football the each team shall have 11 against the11 players of opposit team, but when you are going to the government office it is a one man show i.e. you are the only one to face the heat of 11 or may be more than that depending on the number of departments or officials your file will go through. Let me tell you that, this is the only game where your opponents will be seated all day long and you will be the only one running to and fro, like a  tree swayed by a strong wind, which leeches away all the energy you sustained in your life.

#3:
The rule:
In football you need to dribble the ball all the way to the goal post dodging all the opponents from other team who might get hold of the ball by kicking it away from you.
But when you are in a government office your document does engage in a dribbling act, but you shouldn't dodge your opponents(officials) rather you need them to do this favor for you so they can pass you papers to higher officials which definitely calls for a under the table setting(bribing).

#4
Misconduct:
In football instead of kicking the ball you kick your opponent or indulge in any misconduct you will be warned by  the referee who flashes a yellow card followed by a red card in a misconduct redundancy for being sent off.

In govt office you will be sent off with a remark with a stamp which reads "NOT APPROVED"  annoying the player or rather victim which frustrates more than the red card only if your papers are not having proper requirements or if you haven't satisfied the officials in under the table setting.(generally the former reason would appear only because of the latter part)

#5:
Interval:
Do i need to say that? its known that in football it's lasts for 15 minutes so players can refresh themselves.
but in govt office this facility is given only for the lay man. The reason would be uttered froma junior official who might say " Higher official  is in vacation so come back after the authorised concern returns after finishing his vacation" so you can expect it to be a veeerrrryyyyy long interval.

#6
There comes the final part- Scoring action:
In football you would score a point/goal if you successfully dribble the ball dodging all your opponents and kicking the ball which should destine itself to the net situated at the goal post dodging someone guarding it called goal keeper which earns the team a goal, and when it comes to government office, let us say when the required official returns after completing his vacation and you have gone back and forth to all the places you could go to collect enough papers that he asked for, then that is the momentousperiod when finally he puts his signature and  stamp (if you are lucky enough) on the file on which you needed approval.

This is the golden moment when our poor old common man out of sheer joy, and after losing his immense time, patience, and God knows what all stuffs, screams saying...

And that's a gooooaaaaaoallllll!!!!!!!

When Harry tweeted Sally

Social media and social networking has truly made the world to shrink.. Well not exactly in terms of size, but reach wise.

Gone are those days when people used to wait for the right opportunity to meet someone else in order to socialise with whom they wanted to communicate, meet, greet, and so on. but today people are just only one click away. All these made possible by the fastest growing trend called social media networking.

The trend of social networking is nothing of new to anyone. People socialise now and people used to socialise even before. But the method has been changed as before people used to socialise only by physical presence but not now by virtual presence. Socialising through virtual presence which is a current trend was started by which is vintage of sorts now called Internet chatting through modes of yahoo and MSN messenger which are still in existence but not in very large scale which taken over by the present modes and sites thanks to some innovative brains like Mr. Zuckerberg and others who introduced us to Face book, twitter and so on.

Social media networking is an in-thing at present. Who knows what might later take over this but right now, every one is having a rocking time due to this.

Any one can be a part of it, provided the minimum age requirement is satisfied moreover you need not be a complete lingual literate there is another literacy you need to acquire which is at least the basics of it called "Computer Literacy" .

Sometimes, I wonder that supposedly this trend was established much before then what all movies title we would have come across instead of the ones we had . Sample these

When Harry met Sally /   When Harry tweeted Sally.
The notebook   /      The Facebook Profile
You've got mail  /     You've got wall post comment
How to loose friends and alienate people /  How to block annoying tweeters.

This way i can go on and on... But in this all different planet called social networking we are all loosing the touch, the emotion we feel when we personally interact with someone who is physically present.

This trend has let to isolation of people from those who they claim to be closest with them through the so called social media  sites. I can give some examples of what can be foreseen if this trend continues to exist.

1) People who are just metres away might just post a comment on profile page of their friends requesting for something.
2) people with whom your relationship has gone sour might just unfollow you in twitter instead of resolving issues
3) To remove grudges guys might poke each other on Facebook.
4) Employee updating his dis-likeness for his boss on profile page might be noticed by his boss who must be his employees mutual friend.
5)Couples might get so lazy that they might get married and divorced just by updating their marital status as married/single.
6)Most importantly, people might just stop talking to each other one day just because they can just log in social networking sites and send message to update others.

Honestly speaking I am not someone who hates social networking. It is just that i pointed out that how we claim that the world is shrinking at this age of communication is not actually shrinking but expanding as individuals are getting physically isolated though coming closer to others virtually.

GOD's New Year Resolution

It's that time of the year when nations around the globe celebrate with much galore(beer and booze) and elation for a reason which even I am not able to understand i.e. Changing the wall Calendar with the new one, or in other words called New Year..

Well, like almost all of us come out with new year resolutions which largely most of us do not fullfill, can you imagine that even God can have resolutions for new year? So here it is ... List of New Year Resolutions that God might make in case if needs to..

"1) Remain silent and invisible.. As always..

2) Never interfere in Communal Riots.. This is a shit made by humans, not me.

3) Try and take vacation atleast this year in Planet Pandora.. Because Planet earth has turned in to a hell.. My goodness..

4) Listen to appeal made by souls burning in hell so as to give them another chance.( As if I am gonna do that)

5) Try to maintain stock position (of humans) by inflicting natural calamity probably by earthquake or Tsunami.

6)Listen to a prayer made by a random person (Like I did last time for some mortal called Obama who prayed that he wants Nobel peace prize by doing NOTHING)."

So these were the new year resolutions God would have made.. If you guys think there are some more resolutions God could make then feel FREE to put in your comments..